Tuesday, June 29, 2010

loving oneself?

OK, I need your help on this one. Comments are very welcome.

For years, I've heard the pop psychology phrase:
"You have to love yourself".But honestly, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I didn't know how.
 About 6 months ago I had a little epiphany. I could, at least, be lovING to myself. I'm loving to others. I love others. I know how to do that. And I was certainly NOT doing that for myself. I don't think most people I know are treating themselves well. I do something that doesn't go well, and I call myself names. I disappoint myself because I'm not perfect, and can't forgive myself. I make the same mistake twice and I go into a downward spiral of a prediction of a dismal future. Do I expect perfection out of others? No. Would I EVER call any of my beloved friends a bad name because they had a brief moment of forgetfulness? Never. In fact, I get upset seeing my amazing, beautiful, kind, funny, talented friends call themselves, "stupid, fat, lazy, etc.". They are not any of those things. They are human, like me.
 The jury is still out on whether or not I can love myself. I kinda feel like, "I'm here, deal with it." and I just don't have a choice about that. But I do have a choice what I say to myself.
  My friend, Nancy, on the first night I met her, told me that thoughts either help you or hurt you. And if they hurt you...drop them like their hot. And I do...95% of the time.
 Treat myself as I would expect any good friend to treat me. Be loving. So I challenge you to be loving to yourself. It's a start right?

love you. Tamar


  1. Hey -

    I had no idea you felt this way about yourself. Seriously, I always regard you as someone smart, goal oriented and ambitious.

    I can't imagine that you say bad things to yourself about yourself. They aren't true.

  2. From improv i learned to call all those negative voices in my head my "judges" and to use those voices as a fertile source of characters for scene work. In real life when I am doubtful or afraid I can usually identify the judgmental voice with someone from my past/present that in some way symbolized that negative thought to me. Once I put the voice to a personality outside myself it's so much easier to observe it, evaluate it or just ignore it.

  3. Excellent advice Mike. Thank you.
    And Jason, I am goal oriented and ambitious. And really, really hard on myself when I don't achieve what I set out to do, even if it's a tiny, simple task. But I am working on it.
    thanks guys. much appreciated.

  4. Definitely a good start to stop calling yourself names! It's funny but I quit long enough ago that I don't think I would ever have remembered that I did that if I hadn't just read this.

    I don't know about loving yourself, and I don't think it means not trying to always learn or improve in certain areas of your life. But I do think it makes a world of difference just to be accepting and at peace with the person that you are.