That was really good advice. And if you expand it, it works for a lot of situations. How many couples have broken up because, "I've changed, and they didn't change the same way."
I remember when I was 18, my boyfriend and I went off to different schools. There was no Skype, no cell phones, no digital cameras. We barely had phone access. I made him take a ton of photos of every person and every place he'd mention so I could picture it as he talked to me, or wrote to me. I didn't want us to break up because I had no frame of reference.
Every year, twice a year, I go to the Maine Media Workshop in Rockport, Maine to be an Actor-In-Residence. I go by myself, with friends, and finally last year, I got my boyfriend to go take a class at the same time. Every time I come home, I have PMD: Post Maine Depression. I have been doing nothing but acting, eating, creating, and having fun for a week. And then I have to go home to the real world and attempt to explain to people why I love it up there so much. I feel part of a community. I feel like a contributing valuable member of their society. I have nothing to do but relax and act on film for a week. So yeah, I come home, and want to break up. Every time. So it's great that my boyfriend came last year. Within a day he said, "yeah, I get it. I know why you love it here and keep coming back." I love taking friends there that come home and say, "that totally changed my life. And things will never be the same." It gives me more people in my life that have my frame of reference. It sounds like a cult! But it's just a really great, supportive, smart place to make photos and films.
I've done a great deal of self help work in my life. I'm not perfect. Maybe I should stop trying to be perfect. But I won't stop reflecting, learning, and attempting to be the best person I can. I fail miserably sometimes at that, and I have a tough time forgiving myself. But at least I work on it.
|Rockport harbor sunrise|
I don't have answers. I have questions. But I know that I can't have an amazing experience, and then break up with everyone around me. At least, not right away, for the wrong reasons. So be careful on your learning journeys! Be patient. And please, remind me to be the same along the way. And...breathe.