Sunday, January 30, 2011

What do we depend on for our relationships?

    Years ago, I dragged a conversation out of my father. He was concerned that I wasn’t any closer to marrying someone who could financially take care of me. I made it very clear to him that, 1) There is no security. That’s an illusion. 50% of marriages don’t last forever. 50% of marriages end in death. 2) Just because you have a good job, doesn’t mean you’ll have that job forever. This conversation was years ago, I couldn’t have predicted the economic crisis we found ourselves in a few years ago. But it proved my point, and it proved life is unpredictable. And 3) I told my father, “You brought me up to take care of myself. You taught me to be smart with money, resourceful, and hard working. You did not raise me to wait for Prince Charming so I could sit back and let someone else take care of me.” These are probably the best words I ever told my father, and I stand by it today. It’s nice to be a part of a 2 income home. It’s nice to have someone to lean on occasionally, emotionally, financially, or whatever way needed. But what’s most important, I think, is to have the confidence in yourself that you can live through any situation. Breakup, loss of job, loss of home, loss of loved ones. I don’t depend on others for my happiness or sense of self worth. And that’s taken me awhile. But I don’t. Neither should you. My boyfriend does not want to be with me because I could support him, and I’m not with him for that reason either. We love the person inside and out. Do I have expectations of him? Yes. I won’t say what any of them are. Each person has different expectations for their loved one. But my happiness, or any other part of my life does NOT depend on whether or not my significant other achieves those expectations. I count on ONLY myself to be strong enough to live through whatever happens. I know I’m being vague. Each person has different fears. A fear of showing their weakness. A fear of being cheated on. A fear that someone will leave them. Fear of losing their job. Fears hold us back. What a waste of time! 99.9% of fears never come true.
  I say, have the faith to believe in yourself. You’ve made it this far in life and you can keep making it through.