Since massage is cancelled...how to stay healthy

 So clearly, any upcoming massages are postponed for now. So a little advice for yourself to stay healthy:

1) If you feel sick at all, do NOT exercise or self massage at all. That just spreads the illness around your system more. That's the time to just rest in bed, drink lots of fluids (chicken soup of course). 

2) Please take this time to meditate, even if it's 2 minutes a day to just sit quietly and breathe deeply. 

3) Do not watch the news 24/7. It's never healthy, especially now. But do keep informed. 

4) If you are healthy, do spend more time exercising than eating! There are tons of online workouts for the home, everything from yoga to boot camp. You don't want to spend a month gaining 10 lbs and 10 years trying to get rid of it. 

5) Work on new recipes that are healthy. Don't binge on comfort food. The sugar, fat and calories will make you more sluggish, emotional and possibly depressed. You want fighting food! So make big stews with lots of green veg and beans, quinoa, lean meats, etc. Instead of letting your house smell like disinfectant, let it smell like stew! There are some great online cooking classes (http://www.carlacontreras.com/) and my cookbook (Fighting For Allergy Free Food). And if you're home with kids, now's an excellent time to teach them about cooking, cleaning, and taking care of themselves. 

6) Self massage. Again, do NOT do this if you feel at all sick. But do use rubber balls or tennis balls for your own trigger point work. Lay on the floor so your body can relax and put the ball under you wherever you have knots and just sink in up to 100 seconds. Use your favorite lotion to massage your feet and hands and anywhere you can reach. Take baths. Steam your face and massage it, along with your scalp. Throw a dance party for yourself. 

Sending good health and love to you all. 

If you have any medical questions, or exercise, or food, or anything. Please don't hesitate to reach out. 

Sincerely, Tamar

Why to react NOW

Here’s what this reminds me of: As a massage therapist I’m constantly telling clients, friends and family that if they have some small injury, to take care of it IMMEDIATELY. Say you hurt your wrist, or shoulder, or ankle. And you think, “eh, I can live with the pain for a while, it’ll get better.” But you don’t get it x-rayed. You don’t rest, ice, take Advil, or get PT. Instead, it gets worse and spreads up your leg/arm. So now, 20 years later, you can’t raise your arm fully. You can’t lift heavy things. You also have knee pain and hip pain. Now you need a hip replacement, because you didn’t rest your ankle 20 years ago when the original injury happened.

People don’t look at the long game. They think things will go away. They don’t. You have to take smart, immediate action to prevent what is a worse situation.

2 days ago a very close friend had a heart attack. He’s 48. He’s been super stressed, unhappy and not in good shape. And he knew it. But he put it off. He’s just lucky that he was next to a doctor when it happened and now he’s home and hopefully going to be OK.

Do not take risks now. Not with your health. Not with other people’s health. Take care of yourself, your loved ones, our city, our state, and our planet NOW. Before it’s all gone.

Be safe. Peace.

corona is making me more relaxed

I’m not a panic person. Not when other people are panicking. I understand people think I’m a control person, or a perfectionist. I’m not. I LOVE it when other, capable people are in charge. And I think most things are, “good enough” and there is no such thing as perfect. 

That’s why I love to fly. I’m not flying the plane. I can sit back and relax and do other stuff. And if something goes wrong…not my fault, and probably nothing I can do about it. It’s also why I loved doing stand-up comedy. Because if I screwed up a punch line, I could actually say, out loud, “I screwed that up!” and get a bigger laugh (not that that every happened). And you know what, there’s nothing I can do to stop corona virus either. I can continue to live exactly the way I’ve ALWAYS lived in NYC: don’t touch anything without gloves or a sleeve, wash my gloves a lot, don’t ever touch my face, and the second I walk into my house (which I keep very clean), I wash my hands. 

That’s how I was brought up, and that’s still how I am. Air on planes has better circulation and filters than any building in NY.

And I’ll tell you something else. From a spiritual perspective, this is AMAZING. This is a global crisis, which is also a global opportunity. We know, up to the minute, who is sick everywhere in the world. We have to work together, one planet, one soul, one support system. It’s not the USA that’s having issues. It’s tiny towns everywhere in the world. One friend in Holland suggested this is the perfect time (if we’re all sitting at home) to video chat and catch up with every friend around the world. We are living through (and yes, we will LIVE through it) a major event in global history. That’s really something. I lived through Presidential assassination attempts, 9/11, recessions. Nothing has ever come close to this kind of worldwide historical significance.

And while this is happening, life still goes on. I have friends and family dying and fighting to stay alive through cancers and other illnesses. I have daily chronic pain and illnesses that I still have to focus on every day. Yes, I won’t see a show or concert for a month, or celebrate my birthday with 100 friends. Or take a trip to Italy. And I’m VERY lucky that I have enough money (and toilet paper) to sustain me a month or more. So I don’t have that concern.

But panicking will not help. Just like the day after 9/11 panicking didn’t help or change the situation in any way.

So try to keep the big picture in mind. This too shall pass. And we have to support every person across the world. So be nice. Be well. You may need to borrow some toilet paper.

Be grateful you can eat anything

Last night I cried at Pizza Rev in LA. This is not a usual occurrence-me crying in public. Especially not at a make-your-own-pizza-place. As the manager was fixing my pizza: gluten free crust, dairy free cheese (that I still shouldn’t be eating because it has coconut oil in it, which also makes me sick, but it’s my only cheese option), and a ton of other stuff that I hope will make it taste like real pizza, she starts telling me how her doctor suggested she go gluten-free because of eczema. My first thought was, “hey! Great doctor who knows that’s often a symptom of gluten sensitivity!” But then she said she could never go gluten free because she likes bread too much. I love bread. I miss bread. I grew up near a bakery and that was my favorite smell in NYC (the only GOOD smell in NYC). My gluten free pizza has less flavor, and is smaller. And costs more. I wish I could eat cheese.

 I wish, when I visited France, that I could walk into any store or restaurant and eat everything. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t eat ANYTHING. I walked into a candy store in France and said I was gluten free and the woman looked at me and, indicating everything in the store, said, “NO!” She also said that France was getting more educated about allergies and I should, “come back in a few years.” I walked outside and burst into tears. I’m in France NOW. I’m hungry. I already have a headache, and am exhausted and depressed because I simply cannot get waiters to stop giving me things without dairy and gluten in them, no matter how hard I try.

This is not a CHOICE people. Don’t you think I would love to go back to Fairway in NYC and taste my way in cheese around the world? Or have croissants from any bakery? Of course I do. Do I WANT to pay more for every sandwich I find (a rare find) to get bread that does NOT hold together at all and ends up as dust on my plate? No. I do not. So please. Think about what you say. And if you’re eating a slice of real NY pizza now, or a sandwich that was easy to find, or real ice cream, or can walk into any store and find lots of things to eat…be grateful. And don’t shame the rest of us just trying to make it through the day without pain, or falling asleep, or depression, or brain fog, or…

Casting Actors: Color Blind. Gender Blind. Age Blind.

From Student Filmmakers Magazine June 2019. By Tamar Kummel

Casting

Color blind. Gender blind. Age blind.

By Tamar Kummel

Think about some recent movies or TV shows starring Meryl Streep, Melissa McCarthy, Sandra Oh, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Robin Williams or any other of your favorite actors. I bet you can’t picture that movie or TV show starring anyone else. They are perfect. But I will bet you that ½ those roles were not meant for them. They were written for someone younger, thinner, whiter, and possibly male. Each one is ridiculously talented, and also not a 25-year-old, white male.

I would like to propose a new thought process. A new way of thinking about characters and casting. And a new way of looking at the world. Not from your point of view, but from an inclusive, global way.

I want you to think outside the box. Think outside when writing. Think outside when casting. So many times, we pigeon-hole our thought process. We “write what we know.” But I bet you know a lot more diversity than you even realize.

Oftentimes as writers, we get restricted by what actually happened. We think, “I’m a 20-year-old male, so the character has to be too.” Or, “this is about a family, so they all have to look alike.” Or the worst thought, “Only males talk this way.” But I can assure you, women talk about everything, at all ages. We curse, we laugh, we talk about sex. And some of us, lots of us, don’t want kids, don’t think about kids, and are not just moms. And you know what, if we are moms, we still have names. It’s not just, “Mom.”

It’s 2019, people. Families look all kinds of ways. Two dads, two moms, light skin, dark skin, you name it. Their kids can be adopted from all over the world. People marry at all ages, even into their 90’s sometimes (I’ve seen it). They have kids at all ages. And best friends don’t have to be the same sex.

People of all ages still date. They still work. They still have hopes and dreams and experiences.

Just because you picture your scene with two men in their 20’s, may not mean you couldn’t cast two women in their 40’s. Think about it. Does it change the integrity of the scene? Not every male/female scene is subliminally about sex. They can be best friends, enemies, or strangers. Imagine you wrote a scene between two people sitting around talking. What did you picture? Twenty-five year old males? Fifty-year-old, black women? How about 60-year-old Asians, one male, and one female? Does the scene change? Does it get better? More interesting? Diversity is normal. It’s interesting. It’s easier to tell characters apart. It’s more reflective of our society. And it’s a good thing to do.

There are 100,000 actors in New York City. There are 400,000 actors in Los Angeles. These are actors of all ages, all types and sizes. Great actors with a wealth of experience and talent. They want to work. And they can make your project more interesting. Give them a chance.

Tamar Kummel is an actress, writer, director, and producer in New York City and Los Angeles. She’s easily found on IMDB, social media, and anywhere that serves food. She’s usually wearing purple. She recently completed her first feature documentary, “Fighting For Allergy Free Food.” Along with 2 companion books. More information on current projects, clips, resumes, and books on her websites: TamarKummel.com, CaptainPurpleProductions.com, FightingForAllergyFreeFood.com, TamarKummel.blogspot.com
Photo Courtesy of MaverickSean.com Photography

#whyididntreport

#whyididntreport

High school: I only told my mom. But she didn’t suggest I tell others.  I was embarrassed.

Because I figured you kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince.

Because I was manipulated so badly, I thought it was partially my fault. Many times.

Because it was my roommate’s boyfriend and didn’t want her to know. She'd be mad at me.

Because I didn’t know it was a crime. Just a jerk.

Because I stopped him from raping me. So I thought “nothing” happened.

Because I didn’t know who to tell. Many times.

Because I was mortified.

I called the police, but the police didn’t find them.

Because it happened so fast I couldn’t even process what happened.

Because it happened to my friend, and she didn’t call it “rape”. So it wasn’t my story to tell.

I told our mutual friend, and he told me to stay away from him. End of story.

Because this “first” felt like a violation. I didn’t know how it “should” feel.

#jamestoback Because it was just a “conversation”. I was lucky to never be alone with him.

Because I thought my situation was unique. It didn’t occur to me he was doing this to many others.

These are not hypothetical. These are mine. What are yours?

Why Women Have Meetings in Hotel Rooms and Other Paradoxes of Acting

The other day I was having a conversation with a regular person. A muggle. A real person. You know, not an actor. And he said, “I don’t understand the Harvey Weinstein thing, how is he having, ‘meetings’ with women in his hotel room? Who thinks that’s ok?” So I explained that a lot of business is done during festivals, events, awards, shoots. That’s when you meet people. I can’t audition for a film in a loud, public place like the hotel lobby lounge. You end up going to people’s hotel rooms. And no warning bells go off. Because this is normal. Often these are last minute invites. And you would never bring a friend, or bodyguard to an audition. It would seem you didn’t trust the person who invited you, and you’d seem unprofessional. I know that sounds completely insane to a “normal” person. But it’s true. I hope that is all changing. But there are or were a lot of things in the world of being an unemployed (or even often employed) actress that seemed, “normal” for many years.

Have you seen the original movie, “Fame” from 1980? Do you remember the scene of Coco (played by Irene Cara) having the audition where they ask her to take her shirt off? She resists, they insist, intimidate her, and, on tape, they watch her completely strip down, while crying. She is humiliated, and yet, she still does it, because you don’t say, “no” at an audition. You might think that scene would never happen in real life. But it happened all the time.

In fact, I had a whole series of experiences that I’m guessing would shock people who were never actresses.

• Many times, guys would come up to me on the street, ask if I’m an actress, and give me their card stating they were a producer/director/agent. Those cards go in the trash. NO ONE finds talent that way. But if it didn’t work, they wouldn’t be doing it.
• I had several auditions that I thought the address was taking me to an office, but they were people’s apartments. You don’t know who’s there, you don’t have friends with you, and you just hope there are other actresses there too.
• I had interviews with several agencies that would say, “We love you, we want to represent you…you just need new photos and you need to go to MY guy to take them.” Those are illegal scams. Some took my money. One actually got me jobs and then never paid me (small claims court). One yelled at me when I turned down a nude photo shoot audition.
• I had an audition for something that when I got there, they asked if I had a bathing suit with me (who carries a bathing suit, especially in New York City) and said they needed to see my body, and a bra and undies was fine. I’m sure they were just videotaping women all day changing clothes and in various stages of dress. To be honest, I think I did it. And of course never heard from them again.
• I was freelancing with a famous agent (female) who would hire women to be at parties for corporate events. We didn’t have to kiss or touch anyone, but we were instructed to look sexy and flirt with all the men. I did one or 2 gigs, but flirting with 50 year old men when I was 25 was not my cup-of-tea.
• I somehow made friends with an old press agent. He would take me to dinners and parties and introduce me to show biz folks. I’m sure he thought at some point I’d sleep with him or someone. I wouldn’t even hug them. I just remember having this conversation with him:

Tamar: I really want to be on Saturday Night Live.

PA: They only hire Unknowns.

Tamar: I’m unknown.

PA: You’re not successful enough to be an Unknown.

• I do remember at some point, after years of this crap, having an interview with an agent in a weird place and they said it would cost me money to join them, and instead of being polite, I finally found my voice, stood up, told them they were a scam artist and walked out. I never stayed in an awkward situation ever again. At least professionally.
• I also had a whole afternoon conversation (very luckily in public the whole time) with James Toback. I turned that into a short play, “The Seduction”. He had his whole pitch DOWN! Including carrying his birth certificate in his wallet to prove he was James Toback. He took me to the nearby Applause Bookstore on West 71^st St. (no longer there, and this was before cell phones) to show me his listing in, “The Who’s Who of the Film Business”. Talk about being intimidating. The things he said to me would probably make a stripper blush. He suggested we go to a hotel for 48 hours. I did not go. If I had…would I be famous? Probably not. But he sure made a good case for it.

I could go on and on. The number of odd situations that you find yourself in is endless. There are a ton of eccentric people that suddenly decide to make movies. And a ton of scam artists that realize that young women are so desperate to get their big break that they can convince them to do almost anything if they think it’ll lead to a role in a film or tv show. And since there are no real guidelines, no HR department, no union rep for non-union jobs, and no chaperones, these people get away with a ton of sketchy stuff.

If I wanted, I could go into the whole lineup of guys who’ve also sexually harassed me. Manipulated me into extremely uncomfortable situations in every way in countless places. From Grand Central Station to my own apartment. Conversations that start out flattering will suddenly turn to, “I’m not leaving until you…” and then you start negotiating with them. It’s a lose lose situation. I always felt I had to kiss a lot of lots of frogs before finding my prince. Were these punishable offenses? I have no idea. Who would I have reported them to? There was no internet. Could I call the police and say, “this guy grabbed my boob and got on top of me, but I grabbed his hair and threw him across the room so he left.” I don’t think so. Although the time that a bunch of kids riding their bikes on the sidewalk grabbed up my butt so much that it lifted me up off the ground and they kept riding, I did call the police. Just to feel like I’d done SOMETHING.

I wish I was leading to something. An answer. A solution. A promise. But there isn’t one. We just need to talk to each other. Tell someone. When crap like this happens, spread the word. It is NOT an isolated incident. It’s not your fault. It’s not acceptable. Also, take self-defense class. Don’t walk around in an unaware (drunk, looking at your phone, in shoes you can’t run in, on dark back streets late at night) state. If you have auditions or interviews in odd places, bring a friend. At this point, you don’t need an excuse to have someone with you. And if someone asks you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, don’t do it. Period. End of story.