Think outside your pandemic box

 As I write this, over 250,000 people have lost their life to Covid-19 in the US. But that number doesn’t account at all for the elderly people that have passed, and will pass very shortly because of the lack of care, touch and human connection that Covid-19 has made impossible. My parents have been in assisted living in NH for the past 2 ½ years. A month ago, they were 97 and 93. Both in terrible, fragile condition. And quarantined in their small apartment without being allowed visitors most of the time. Each one landed in the hospital for extended periods of time, without being able to see each other or communicate at all, due to lack of email, and lack of hearing, and not being allowed out or in, for any reason. Periodically, I could drive by and wave from 20 feet away, which feels much sadder than anything. During the warm months and the lower numbers, I could visit them outside, wearing masks, from 6 feet away, and not allowed to touch them. So the only touch they had, was from their 24 hour caregivers, and that’s mostly for personal care, not tenderness.

 We lost my mom 10 days ago. 2 days shy of her 94^th birthday. Not from covid. Because I was her DPOA, they made an exception and let me be with her. Because I’d come from out-of-state, I almost couldn’t. If we’d put her in a hospice center, I would have only been allowed 1 hour every 24 hours. My dad was allowed, but required a 24 hour caregiver himself. And only 3 people maximum were allowed to visit per day. So it was complicated. But we’re still lucky compared to the thousands and thousands of people dying alone.

 Their assisted living has not had any outbreaks. But they’re still losing people. And guaranteed it’s the same story all over the world for anyone that is by themselves, but especially the older generation who doesn’t know how to zoom, can’t hear on the phone, and isn’t allowed to be visited or touched. People die without being touched.

 What do I want? I want it to be part of the conversation. I want group living facilities to figure out how to safely have visitors and hugs. I want more empathy in this country. Because maybe YOU don’t care about getting sick, or making your family sick. But if you’re not wearing a mask, physically distancing, staying home most of the time, and washing your hands like you’re going into surgery…you’re prolonging this pandemic for everyone else. And every sick person, not just every deceased person, has a whole community of people that need them, love them, and will miss them.

We can save lives if we do things together. I’ll do it for you. You do it for me. Because those numbers don’t tell the whole story.